BySue Shellenbarger
I worried a lot as a working parent about instilling the skills and qualities my kids would need to make a living and become responsible citizens. I never thought about raising them to be heroes.
But parenting is a big factor in whether people develop the traits and values that separate heroes from the rest of us – the bravery, empathy and principled approach to decision-making shared by people who risk their lives for others. Both researchers and individual heroes I interviewed for today’s Work and Family column say the way parents behave and talk to their children about service and sacrifice play a big role in whether their kids will intervene to help others as adults.
Laurie Ann Eldridge, who recently received a heroism medal from the Carnegie Hero Fund Commission for rescuing an elderly driver whose car was stuck in the path of a speeding train, says her parents and grandparents taught her “a strong sense of values. We always try to help somebody if they need it.” Her mother filled Christmas baskets with cookies and handmade afghans or mittens for needy families every year. Even small examples set by her parents made an impression, she says, such as opening the door for someone or helping a stranger across the street.
Lt. Cmdr. James Gennari, a Navy nurse who received a Bronze Star for valor earlier this month for helping pull a live grenade out of an injured Marine’s leg in Afghanistan, says he grew up admiring his own dad, who also received a Bronze Star, for meritorious service while stationed overseas in the Army during the Korean War. Also, Lt. Cmdr. Gennari says, his mother “was adamant that we knew and understood what kindness was about.”
Finding time for community service can be difficult for working parents – or for anyone. But parents can set an example in everyday life, by treating neighbors, friends and family members with kindness, or reading stories about empathetic characters.
A few good books are “The Hundred Dresses,” “Fly Away Home,” “Thank You Mr. Falker,” and “How Do I Stand in Your Shoes?”
Rewarding children for kind acts can help. I praised my daughter for stepping up on the playground to defend an elementary-school classmate who was being bullied. And I made a big deal over my son when, during a summer lifeguarding job, he rescued a girl from drowning at a city pool.
Another route is to make volunteer work a family activity. It’s important to start when your kids are young, though. I tried to engage my kids as teenagers in serving food at a soup kitchen and buying gifts for needy families. But at that stage, they were too distracted by other activities to invest much energy.
Do you consciously try to teach your children service or self-sacrifice for others? What kind of example do you try to set in this regard?
